


Going

by ezazahaz



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Spoilers, Established Relationship, Everyone Needs A Hug, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Multi, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-03
Updated: 2018-05-03
Packaged: 2019-05-01 11:21:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,083
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14519418
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ezazahaz/pseuds/ezazahaz
Summary: A post-IW, trying-to-cope fic, Stuckony flavored.MAJOR INFINITY WAR SPOILERS





	Going

**Author's Note:**

> This is AU in that it pretends there was established Steve/Bucky/Tony instead of Tony/Pepper at the start of the movie.

Tony doesn’t want to get out of the ship.

Staying won’t change anything. It won’t change the way the kid had begged, had clung to Tony for help he couldn’t give, had fallen to ash in Tony’s arms.

But when he gets out, he’ll find out who else is gone.

As long as he stays here, replaying Peter’s last moments over and over in his mind, he can at least pretend that everyone he loves here on Earth is still alive here on Earth.

Pepper, Rhodey, Happy, Bruce, Nat... Steve and Bucky.

It’s Schrodinger’s box, Schrodinger’s planet, Schrodinger’s goddamn universe, and Tony would rather stay in this already miserable state of uncertainty than get out and know for a fact that any of them are dead.

But he has to. Has to do... something, must be able to do something, and his grief and fear are momentarily replaced with anger, not with Thanos, but with Strange, because couldn’t the fucking wizard have given him something more to go on than _“It was the only way?”_

But it meant something, apparently his life means something, so Tony has to keep going.

Has to get off the ship.

And Nebula is pulling him up anyway, yanking him up and out onto the wide open plains of Wakanda.

The lovely green grass is darker in some places. A day later, and not all the ashes have drifted away.

Tony’s eyes move to their greeting party--a group of warriors prepared physically for battle, but their faces show more exhaustion than determination.

But amidst the Wakandan warriors, Tony spots a familiar form, and his eyes fill with tears--he’s crying for the first time since all this started--as he stumbles forward.

“Steve...?”

Then Steve is lunging for him, powerful arms pulling him into a tight embrace. And it’s comforting, being held by a man he’d feared he might never see again, but it’s also worrisome, feeling the jagged breaths--sobs--of the chest pressed against his.

And suddenly Tony _knows_ , knows what he knew he didn’t want to know, what he can’t unknow. It takes a moment to get the breath to ask, “Bucky?” The arms around him tighten, suddenly reminding him of the hole in his side, but the pained whimper that comes out of him is more emotional than physical pain. “No...”

“I couldn’t save him,” Steve gasps out.

Tony shakes his head, not sure if he’s still denying the loss, or denying it’s Steve’s fault, or denying this entire fucking reality where everything has gone so thoroughly to shit.

Steve takes a deep breath, then pulls back--not far, hands still on Tony’s arms, like if he lets go Tony will disappear like all the others. (Tony could tell him that holding on wouldn’t do any good--God, he’d held Peter as tightly as he possibly could, and the kid still fell apart in his arms...)

“But you’re here,” Steve says, and his mouth tries and fails to smile. “God, Tony, I thought you were dead, I thought Thanos had...”

“He almost did,” Tony admits, gesturing to the sealed hole in the suit. The suit he’s still wearing because, if he lets it slide back into his bones instead of keeping it tight around him, he might bleed to death.

Steve’s eyes widen at the sight. “You’re... and you let me...” He turns to the woman next to him--Nat, Tony realizes, and is grateful to see she’s one of the survivors--and barks, “Get Shuri. Now.”

* * *

Tony doesn’t want to go to sleep.

He doesn’t know what he’ll dream, but he knows his brain has a fuckton more nightmare fodder to choose from, and he had plenty even before the hell of the last few days. Years-old visions of the portal to Thanos could now provide more horrific detail, images of his team lying dead around him could be replaced by them disappearing into ash. He might relive those final moments of Peter’s heartwrenching pleas, or his brain might switch things up and let him feel Bucky disintegrating instead, or Pepper, or Steve.

But as long as Tony’s awake, Steve, at least, is fine. Well, _alive_ anyway, lying beside him in bed as they both pretend to sleep.

They’re in a guest room in the central city instead of in the hut where they spent time with Bucky during his recovery. They can’t handle the memories right now, and Steve insisted Tony needed a real bed even after Shuri pronounced him fixed.

Tony sighs, shifting from his position as little spoon to face Steve, whose eyes are half open, hooded not from sleep but from grief. “I’m going to fix it,” Tony vows, his voice quiet but resolute.

“How?” Steve asks, neither doubting nor hopeful, just drained.

“I don’t know yet, but Strange knew something, saved me for some reason, so I have to be able to do it.” Tony’s repeating what he already explained to their little crew of survivors. (Including Rhodey, thank god, and somehow all the original Avengers made it, though Clint’s staying home to take care of his one remaining child-- _fuck_ , Tony doesn’t even want to imagine what he’s going through right now.)

Tony continues, “I’m going to do it. And Steve--I need you to let me do whatever it takes to fix it, even if it kills me.”

He didn’t realize it was possible for Steve to look any more broken, but he does. But to Tony’s surprise, he doesn’t argue, he just says, “Two conditions. One, only if you’re sure it’s the only way.”

Tony nods.

“Two, you’ll fix it even if the only way kills _me_. And--if it goes that way, you’ll make sure you make it. For Bucky.”

Tony swallows hard around the lump in his throat. Without Bucky, that last part would be lot harder to promise--to go on after letting Steve die.

The thing is, he knows there’s a chance the fix will kill them both. And as much as he hates that thought, he knows if it’s the two of them or half the universe, he has to choose the greater good.

Even if Bucky will be left to mourn them instead.

But Bucky will be alive to mourn.

“For Bucky,” Tony agrees.

Steve pulls him closer, pressing a kiss to the top of his head. “You’ll fix it,” he murmurs, and finally drifts off.

Eventually, Tony drifts off, too. And dreams.

_“I don’t want to go...”_

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Keep On Marching On (Stuckony)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14921186) by [majesticdragonair](https://archiveofourown.org/users/majesticdragonair/pseuds/majesticdragonair)




End file.
